Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Bad Date

While checking out Tucker Carlson's new website I accidentally stumbled upon a madwoman in a closet. No, really.

I don’t really care that polar bears may not live to see the birth of my great-grandkids, or that I just shot a deer with my 12-gauge, since it will make for really tasty jerky, and I probably just prevented 14 future car accidents. I would fish every trout out of the Housatonic River if they let me, and grill them up with some lemon and dill. Catch-and-release is for wimps, and nature’s bounty is mine for the taking.

The so-called “environment” doesn’t really tug at my heart-strings either. I will use as much water as comes out of my faucet, kill enough trees to TP the White House, and burn enough electricity to power the Magic Kingdom, simply because you insist doing so will make me a “bad person.” I recycle because, in Manhattan, I’m required to, and if I had a car, I’d get the one that left the biggest carbon footprint, because the flatulent cows in Australia and your pampered dog Fluffy are worse for the planet than my Hummer would be. The ice caps may be melting in the Arctic, but I’ve got more pressing concerns — like my letter campaign to bring back the British “Office,” and pretty much everything else.

I must confess I’m also a bit of a warmonger. Because unlike you I believe in good and evil and protecting my way of life sometimes requires inflicting blunt trauma. If you’re going to tell me that Islamo-fascist, communist and socialist dictatorships around the world aren’t worse than we are–they’re just “different”–I’m going to tell you that you’re a colossal idiot, and we should probably part company here. American exceptionalism isn’t a theory, it’s a fact. Sorry, France. (Your music sucks anyway.)


Let's just say that some of us are more "exceptional" than others.

The young lady informs us that she is a misanthrope because her parents are "compassionate, hard-working, down-to-earth, unpretentious, God-fearing common folk" and "most of the people I meet fall far short of the examples my mother and father set decades ago." Which is, no doubt, why she has copied Tina Fey's look and Ann Coulter's style. It's because of her lack of pretension and Christian love.

19 comments:

Clever Pseudonym said...

At least we can all agree with her when she writes "I am a terrible person."

Steve M. said...

France? She threw in a shot at France?

Is it permanently early 2003 in Wingnutville? Is it like Brigadoon?

Lex said...

You don't catch-and-release trout.

Stupid lying wingnut.

Susan of Texas said...

I think she threw in a shot at everyone. That's a lot of rage for a fairly young person. I have a feeling Mom and Dad were a wee bit heavy on the discipline.

Downpuppy said...

Trying to be an offensive wingnut & doesn't have a car?

Total fake. Probably not even her picture, and definitely not an E-Cup.

satch said...

Y'know, I clicked through and read her piece. Talk about a wingnut spoiling for a fight! I'm sorry, but I hope, for her sake, that she at least gives great head.

satch said...

In related news, I wanted to leave a similar comment on her site, but you have to register first. Christ, why do all these winger whinger sites make you register???

dlgood said...

I'm impressed that she finds spite such a powerful motivating force in life. It's so much easier to base stuff on acceptance/rejection of other people ideas than to come up with you own.

Steve M. said...

Oh, I missed the swipe at Rosie O'Donnell. Yes, it's 2003 forever in her world.

Steve M. said...

But if she's going to get into a liberal-hatin' contest, I think she may have met her match in Allen West.

Anonymous said...

My favorite part is that after endorsing the very worst wingnut traits, we learn that her book is titled "Why You’re Wrong About The Right." Uh, no, you pretty much confirmed that we're right.

Robert Murphy said...

Er, how is it that the profile of an op-ed writer leaps from C.V. (i.e. Curriculum Vitae) to what one would see on an online dating service? I um, didn't ask you out. I'm glad you like mac and cheese, perhaps you are a horrible person, I dunno. But what are your thoughts on the Health Care bill?

Anonymous said...

Cupp interviewed by Brian Lamb on C-SPAN.

Check out her Palin self confidence.

http://www.c-spanarchives.org/program/289387-1

bill said...

Well, she shows us her ignorance in the very first paragraph when she brags about her "solipsism." From the Wikipedia (sorry, university professors, but it's there, dammit): "Solipsism ... refers to several worldviews whose common element is some form of denial of the existence of a universe independent from the mind of the agent." Which implies originality of thought, which is definitely not what is in play with our pretty Ms. Misanthrope, also a made-up persona I would wager.

Susan of Texas said...

Thanks for the link.

Remember, if you believe it's true then it is true, because belief shows will and will shows resolve and resolve shows belief.

spencer said...

Bill, I always tell my students that Wikipedia is a great resource for informing yourself on a topic you know nothing about. I will never, however, accept it as a primary source.

Batocchio said...

Well, that is sorta the glibertarian and movement conservative Creed of Spite, isn't it? It's sorta tautological, or the usual childish, narcissistic Randism: "I am an asshole [toward the environment] because I enjoy being an asshole to you. I enjoy being an asshole to you because... I am an asshole." Glenn Reynolds recently argued that he opposed torture (a dubious claim), but he'd oppose it more if Andrew Sullivan didn't oppose it so much. I mean, hey, who wouldn't support human rights abuses, torture and murder just because someone else s/he (supposedly) agreed with seems annoying? They blame others for their asshole behavior, yet they also feel their right is be assholes is granted by God or similarly due to their inherent superiority – and they celebrate the Way of the Asshole. It's an odd if sadly familiar mindset. Get Off My Lawn So I Can Set Yours On Fire.

Mr. Wonderful said...

"That's a lot of rage for a fairly young person."

Or a lot of pretend, this-is-my-writing-persona rage. I think she's the bastard spawn of PJ O'Rourke and Ann Coulter, flaunting the worst qualities of each.

It will be interesting to see if any of her future columns do much more than posture naughtily, like this one. Although we'll never know, since reading them is out of the question.

Scott H said...

I feel sad for not having found your snark sooner.

"Which is, no doubt, why she has copied Tina Fey's look and Ann Coulter's style. It's because of her lack of pretension and Christian love."

I think you may owe me a new keyboard.