Breaking! Porn Stalks Land; Males At Risk!

Before you read this, quick!---lock your doors and pull your curtains, turn off your computers and tvs, and dig up your mailbox. (Uh, maybe you should keep the computer on for just a minute.) Done? Phew, now you are safe enough to listen to Mona Charen warn us of an evil stalking the land, preying on both young and old, master and servant, man and boy, like a great big evil...stalking thing.

[...The world of hard-core porn that was once the province of dingy “adults only” stores in the harsher parts of town but is now available to everyone at the click of a mouse.

My god! I had no idea. There's porn on the internet? Dam! We better tell President Clinton. Forget the oncoming Depression/Deflation-Inflation/Shithole of Economic Terror. Red alert! Red Alert! Danger! Sing it, Sister Mona!

Mothers of River City!
Heed the warning before it's too late!
Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption!
The moment your son enters the house,
Does he turn on his computer, lock the door and grab a sock?
Is there carpal tunnel syndrome on his right hand?
A Playboy hidden under the mattress?
Is he starting to memorize jokes from Penthouse and Playboy?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like 'hot Asian teens?"
And "live web cam?"
Well, if so my friends,
Ya got trouble,
Right here on the internet!
With a capital "T"
And that rhymes with "P"
And that stands for Porn.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here on the internet!
Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule!
Oh, we've got trouble.
We're in terrible, terrible trouble.
That box for cocks that calls for socks is a devil's tool!
Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!
With a "T"! Gotta rhyme it with "P"!
And that stands for Porn!!!