Good News For The Palin Clan

Bristol Palin is expecting a Happy Event and the glowing mother to be is happily sharing the news with the world. She begins with an ultrasound picture of little Blessing and my, isn't that baby a big one. That's no bun in her oven, it's a loaf of bread.

But it's not just fetus  pictures and squee. The little mother has something to say to her doting admirers as well.

So here are the things you should all get straight before you continue to mock me, judge me, and talk about me. 

 

That birth announcement to Mom must have been rough.

None of us are perfect.

 

You have to be perfect to keep from having an unplanned pregnancy.

I made a mistake, but it’s not the mistake all these giddy a$$holes have loved to assume.

 

I see this is not a Nancy French Palin assignment but the words of the little mother herself.

This pregnancy was actually planned.

Everyone knows I wanted more kids, to have a bigger family.  Believing I was heading that way, I got ahead of myself. Things didn’t go as planned, but life keeps going. Life moves on. 

 

I wanted to marry a military hero--Mom isn't getting any younger and the screaming about money is getting louder--and decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. After I become blessed by God's grace the bull didn't put the ring in his nose like he was supposed to do and busted out of the corral gate, running as fast as his legs could carry him, straight up the hills and into Freedom.

RELATED: BIG NEWS

 

But I do not regret this baby. This baby is not a disappointment, and I cannot wait to be a mom times two. Tripp is going to make the best big brother!!

(Tripp--who was left in a limousine at age five while Mommy drank and brawled at a birthday party, is probably going to feel even more neglected. )

Let’s get another thing straight, because I can’t tolerate all the talk on this subject. I have never been paid as an “abstinence spokesperson.” I was employed by the great people at The Candies Foundation.

(Bristol is a straight-talkin' no-bullshtting kinda gal and don't you forget it.)

From their site:

The Candie’s Foundation is a non-profit organization that works to shape the way the youth in America think about the devastating consequences of teen pregnancy and parenthood. We are an operating foundation that develops and runs communication campaigns to raise awareness about our cause. Each year millions of teens are exposed to The Foundation’s message, which encourages them to delay pregnancy and shows the realities of teen parenthood. Our approach is unique: all of our ads feature celebrities that teens can relate to and speaks to them directly using their own language. We go beyond raising awareness; our goal is to influence teen culture.

In other words, they are a teen pregnancy prevention non-profit and I worked for them when I was 18 and 19 — when I could share first hand the challenges of being a teen mother.  Here’s one of my PSAs: [snipped video]

I wasn't a teen abstinence spokesman. I just spoke about abstaining from sex when you are a teen.

I know you remember me most from when Mom ran for Vice President. However, I’m not 17 anymore, I am 24. I’ve been employed at the same doctor’s office for over six years now; I own a home; I have a well-rounded, beautiful son.

I'm no longer a teen unwed mother, I'm an adult unwed mother.

(I need to get a job in a doctor's office. I had no idea it paid so well.)

Bless his heart, how her son must suffer from not having a two-parent family which as well all know is the only way to prevent her son from becoming a vandal or brawler or drinker or fornicator.

Here’s what I have spoken out about. Life.

RELATED: A PREGNANCY UPDATE
 

On this blog and at a few pro-life events.

 

I am so pro-life that I plan on making as many lives as I can. Accidentally on purpose!

When I realized I was pregnant, I knew I would be completely crucified.

You know who else was completely crucified? Jesus! Now Bristol is just like Jesus and therefore much holier than before! And like Mary she was an unwed mother-to-be! If she became a carpenter she could hit the Holy Family Trifecta!

But I never even thought of aborting this child, NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCE.

So no matter how bad I am I will never be as bad a liberal. Remember that when I get pregnant for the third and fourth times. And forget all that stuff about how pre-marital sex is a sin and is destroying civilization, at least until I am being paid to say it.

(Sorry to the ghouls at Gawker, who said this baby is an argument FOR abortion. Not happening.)

(Gawker ghouls will no doubt be crestfallen that they can't force Bristol to obey their family planning whims, which is more than we can say for Bristol. And they will no doubt be delighted to learn they are annoying Bristol, who unaccountably runs to the internet to see what it is saying about her. Hint: nothing flattering.)

I am pregnant. This is not the ideal situation, but life is important even if it’s not in the most absolute ideal circumstance. This is more confirmation on what I’ve always stood for. I’ve always been pro-life and I am standing for life now.

::unfurls flag, hits "play" on boombox and blares Star Spangled Banner, breast-feeds Tripp while twirling a baton::

Deal with it.

That'll get the wingnut welfare rolling! She hopes! The abstinence bucks may be gone but the anti-abortion folks are sure the pony up and help her support her increasing girth lifestyle family.