Megan And Peter Go To Dinner: A Play In One Act

Megan And Peter Go To Dinner

a play in one act

MEGAN

Let's get an appetizer

PETER

Sure

MEGAN

What would you like, potato skins or chicken tenders?

PETER

I don't care, either one.

MEGAN

But darling, we have to pick one, you know.

PETER

Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.

MEGAN

But I want to know what you want.

PETER

I don't care.

(Pause)

MEGAN

I've found that most restaurants don't know how to make decent chicken tenders. If they don't actually use dirty oil, they have no idea how to hit exactly the right temperature to produce the perfect crispness. But this place has especially good potato skins, with gilded applewood smoked bacon and delicious sour cream made from Peruvian yak milk.

PETER

Uh-huh.

MEGAN

So you agree, we should get the potato skins.

PETER

What? I like chicken nuggets. They remind of coming home to an empty house after school and heating up a plate of chicken while the X-Box loaded.

MEGAN

I'm sure we could work this out to our mutual benefit. If we had potato skins, we both would benefit because we both would enjoy them. But if we had a few nasty little badly-fried lumps of chicken tenders, I would be very unhappy and neither one of us would enjoy them. So I am sure you can see that I must give in and have the potato skins, for the sake of your happiness.

PETER

Well, thanks, Megan. I can have chicken tenders any time.

MEGAN

That's right, dear. Now, what shall we have for dinner?

PETER

I want the Sole Meniere. You never make fish and I had fish all the time, growing up in Florida.

MEGAN

Ugh, you know I can't stand fish. Wouldn't it be selfish to have something we couldn't share with each other? Could you enjoy your meal huddled suspiciously over your food like a convict?

PETER

But--

MEGAN

Think of the diminishing marginal returns: You'll be tired of your fish in fifteen bites and want me to finish the rest, but it will go to waste because I loathe fish. But if you have a ribeye, I will happy to finish your steak. If I were to order a ribeye you wouldn't be happy because you want fish.

PETER

But-

MEGAN

Peter, don't you want to have a higher yield curve?

PETER

I want chicken tenders and Sole Meniere.

MEGAN

Are you sure you want the fish? What if I ordered the clam chowder and you ordered the potato skins? You'd have fish and I'd have potato skins.

PETER

What else are you going to have?

MEGAN

Ham timbales.

PETER

The what?

MEGAN

A timbale is a like quiche with no crust, covered with a Béchamel or mushroom sauce.

PETER

Béchamel, again? Didn't we have something in white sauce three times this week? Strike.

MEGAN

You don't have to have any if you don't want.

PETER

So far I don't want anything we decided to order. Can I have the Beef Wellington?

MEGAN

Strike

PETER

What about the pork tenderloin with ginger stuffing and coriander sauerkraut?

MEGAN

Double strike. How about the venison roulade?

PETER

Acceptable. What about braised Iberian pork cheeks with port wine and honey?

MEGAN

Oooh, yes! So we'll split the clam chowder, potato skins, pork cheeks, and venison roulade, Now, how about dessert?

PETER

[tentatively] I heard the flan is excellent here.

MEGAN

(shudders) Flan is slimy, Peter, and nobody can convince me otherwise. Let's have the chocolate lava cake and the macaroons.

PETER

I like the cake but the macaroons look like Necco wafers. How about the rustic apple tart with English cheddar cheese?

MEGAN

How about the tart a la mode?

PETER

Deal. Okay, let's get the waiter. Waiter!

MEGAN

Don't you love gains from trade, Peter?

PETER

Waiter, we're ready to order.

WAITER

I'm sorry sir, the kitchen closed ten minutes ago.