Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Megan And Peter Go To Dinner: A Play In One Act






Megan And Peter Go To Dinner

a play in one act



MEGAN
Let's get an appetizer

PETER
Sure

MEGAN
What would you like, potato skins or chicken tenders?

PETER
I don't care, either one.

MEGAN
But darling, we have to pick one, you know.

PETER
Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.

MEGAN
But I want to know what you want.

PETER
I don't care.

(Pause)

MEGAN
I've found that most restaurants don't know how to make decent chicken tenders. If they don't actually use dirty oil, they have no idea how to hit exactly the right temperature to produce the perfect crispness. But this place has especially good potato skins, with gilded applewood smoked bacon and delicious sour cream made from Peruvian yak milk.

PETER
Uh-huh.

MEGAN
So you agree, we should get the potato skins.

PETER
What? I like chicken nuggets. They remind of coming home to an empty house after school and heating up a plate of chicken while the X-Box loaded.

MEGAN
I'm sure we could work this out to our mutual benefit. If we had potato skins, we both would benefit because we both would enjoy them. But if we had a few nasty little badly-fried lumps of chicken tenders, I would be very unhappy and neither one of us would enjoy them. So I am sure you can see that I must give in and have the potato skins, for the sake of your happiness.

PETER
Well, thanks, Megan. I can have chicken tenders any time.

MEGAN
That's right, dear. Now, what shall we have for dinner?

PETER
I want the Sole Meniere. You never make fish and I had fish all the time, growing up in Florida.

MEGAN
Ugh, you know I can't stand fish. Wouldn't it be selfish to have something we couldn't share with each other? Could you enjoy your meal huddled suspiciously over your food like a convict?

PETER
But--

MEGAN
Think of the diminishing marginal returns: You'll be tired of your fish in fifteen bites and want me to finish the rest, but it will go to waste because I loathe fish. But if you have a ribeye, I will happy to finish your steak. If I were to order a ribeye you wouldn't be happy because you want fish.

PETER
But-

MEGAN
Peter, don't you want to have a higher yield curve?

PETER
I want chicken tenders and Sole Meniere.

MEGAN
Are you sure you want the fish? What if I ordered the clam chowder and you ordered the potato skins? You'd have fish and I'd have potato skins.

PETER
What else are you going to have?

MEGAN
Ham timbales.

PETER
The what?

MEGAN
A timbale is a like quiche with no crust, covered with a B├ęchamel or mushroom sauce.

PETER
B├ęchamel, again? Didn't we have something in white sauce three times this week? Strike.

MEGAN
You don't have to have any if you don't want.

PETER
So far I don't want anything we decided to order. Can I have the Beef Wellington?

MEGAN
Strike

PETER
What about the pork tenderloin with ginger stuffing and coriander sauerkraut?

MEGAN
Double strike. How about the venison roulade?

PETER
Acceptable. What about braised Iberian pork cheeks with port wine and honey?

MEGAN
Oooh, yes! So we'll split the clam chowder, potato skins, pork cheeks, and venison roulade, Now, how about dessert?

PETER
[tentatively] I heard the flan is excellent here.

MEGAN
(shudders) Flan is slimy, Peter, and nobody can convince me otherwise. Let's have the chocolate lava cake and the macaroons.

PETER
I like the cake but the macaroons look like Necco wafers. How about the rustic apple tart with English cheddar cheese?

MEGAN
How about the tart a la mode?

PETER
Deal. Okay, let's get the waiter. Waiter!

MEGAN
Don't you love gains from trade, Peter?

PETER
Waiter, we're ready to order.

WAITER
I'm sorry sir, the kitchen closed ten minutes ago.



10 comments:

tony in san diego said...

OMG you have got that passive aggressive voice down!

Susan of Texas said...

Heh, thanks!

Andrew Johnston said...

The great part is that this is just this side of parody. I have a nagging suspicion that dinners at the McArdle-Suderman home actually do sound like this, and it makes me wonder if everything is open to negotiation.

Susan of Texas said...

I am sure some things are not open to negotiation.

I tried to use McArdle's own words as much as possible. It gives the play that "slice of life" quality.

OBS said...

slow-clap.gif would go here if Blooger allowed such things.

Yastreblyansky said...

Really beautiful. It could be an opera libretto. Also next time you commit a crime like this send it to Ellis at shermanoaksreview@gmail.com and let him reject it (or not!) before you post it here. (They don't allow double posting.)

Susan of Texas said...

I would be thrilled!

Susan of Texas said...

I've had another one on the back burner, in which Megan and Peter divide up their chores and throw a dinner party. Wackiness ensues. There are many rolls of paper towels involved.

ThatDeborahGirl said...

This makes me feel a tad bit sorry for all those times I asked my ex if he wanted some ice cream when I really wanted him to go get me some ice cream.

Anonymous said...

Peter is at it again..

"To Reason’s Peter Suderman, that’s evidence of hypocrisy: Clinton’s people knew there was a risk of job loss associated with that high of a minimum-wage level, and she endorsed it anyway as an act of “purely cynical political pandering.”"

http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/10/would-hrc-support-a-usd15-minimum-wage-if-she-could-enact-it.html