Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Thursday, February 2, 2017

McArdle Knows Best

Megan McArdle has written multiple posts saying the Democrats should quit fighting and give up because they'll never win. Like the poisonous witch in Tangled, she attempts to undermine liberals to exploit them for her own gain while telling them that it's for their own good. She is so very concerned about their well-doing, you see, and wants to help them because Mother Knows Best.

Mother McArdle:  
You want to go outside? Why, liberals...!  
Look at you, as fragile as a flower  
Still a little sapling, just a sprout  
You should stay up in your ivory tower

Liberals: I know but-

Mother McArdle:  
That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear  
You were so sure this day was coming  
Knew that soon you'd lord over all the rest  
Soon, but not yet

Liberals: But--

Mother McArdle:  
Shh! Trust me, pet  
Mother knows best  
Mother knows best  
Listen to your mother 
It's a scary world out there  
Mother knows best  
One way or another  
Something will go wrong, I swear  
Escalation, blowback  
From vituperation  
And Trump

Liberals: No!

Mother McArdle: Yes!

Liberals: But--

Mother McArdle:  
Also many  
White Working Class Men, and  
Stop, no more, you'll just upset me  
Mother's right here  
Mother will protect you  
Darling, here's what I suggest  
Snub the commie  
Stay with Mommy  
Mama knows best

Mother knows best  
Take it from your mumsy  
On your own, you won't survive  
Knee-jerk peaceniks,  
Elite mandarins,  
Please, they'll eat you up alive  
Half-baked ideas,  
Positively Marxist  
And a bit, well, hmm fascist 
Plus, I believe  
Gettin' kinda slutty  
I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you  
Mother understands  
Mother's here to help you  
All I have is one request, liberals?

Liberals: Yes?

Mother McArdle: Don't ever ask to win an election again.

Liberals: Yes, Mother McArdle.

Mother McArdle: I love you very much, dear.

Liberals: I love you more.

Mother McArdle:  
I love you most  
Don't forget it  
You'll regret it  
Mother knows best


Lordwhorfin said...

Holy Toledo that's depressing. But superlatively assembled. Precisely the right tone.

Susan of Texas said...

Thanks. It's self-indulgent but I love doing these song re-writes.