Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Not If He Were The Last Man On Earth


For Jonah Goldberg, every natural disaster brings the faint, fond hope that somehow, in the death, destruction, chaos and suffering of an utter breakdown of society it will be possible for him to get laid, preferably by a hot college student.

So I keep hearing that these efforts to capture, clean and release oiled wildlife are counterproductive. Most eventually die from the stress of the oil and, apparently just as stressful, the dishwashing soap baths. In one of those weird ironies of nature, being surrounded by a bunch of soapy-sponge-wielding attractive University of Alabama female zoology students in wet t-shirts is an excellent plot device for a late nigh cinemax movie when the subject "victim" getting a bath is a sensitive-yet-jocular ski instructor, but it's terrifying if you're a brown pelican.


Somehow the hotties of Co-Ed Confidential never seem to dip from the eager and virginal Young Republican pool of candidates. And all of the little libertarians and conservatives who grew up reading Robert Heinlein and can't wait for the opportunity to mate with charming and willing young co-eds when the world ends wait in vain for the end of civilization, when they might finally have a chance with a girl of their dreams.

9 comments:

Ken Houghton said...

I think the Heinlein link is supposed to go here.

Susan of Texas said...

It sure does, thanks.

Lurking Canadian said...

Somewhere, Chunky Reese Witherspoon says a Novena every night in thanksgiving that things didn't go any farther.

Downpuppy said...

The guy with the Chunky Reese hangups is Ross Douthat. He may be even dumber than Senor Pantload.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/12/opinion/12douthat.html?_r=1&src=me&ref=opinion

But conservatives need to recognize that the most pernicious sort of redistribution isn’t from the successful to the poor. It’s from savers to speculators, from outsiders to insiders, and from the industrious middle class to the reckless, unproductive rich.

Susan of Texas said...

A helpful guide--
Douthat-hates sex.
Goldberg-hates sex with his wife.

Lurking Canadian said...

Sorry. I should not have mixed them up.

Susan of Texas said...

I used to mix up Douthat and Dreher. I still can barely tell the difference, although Douthat uses bigger words.

KWillow said...

There are strong similarities between them all. They repeat the same rightwingnut platitudes, they all look under-baked (doughy), and they share a simplistic-selfish world-view. They care not for the "good of the many" but only the "good of the Few" -and they assume They belong to The Few, which they don't.

The Doughy Pantload's solution to the Kobioshu Maru would be to run away screaming for mommy.

Downpuppy said...

Also, too, the ugly facial hair.