Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Monday, June 11, 2012

Breaking! Must Credit Ross Douthat! Conservative Slaughter of Innocents!

Would you kill this adorable child? A conservative would!

Via celebrated conservative intellectual Ross Douthat (by way of Tbogg, Defender of Evil and Scourge of the Britbartians), we are shocked--nay, shocked and appalled!--to hear that CONSERVATIVES ARE ABORTING HANDICAPPED CHILDREN WHOLESALE. Maybe retail as well! Sing it, Brother Douthat!
In 90 percent of cases, a positive test for Down syndrome leads to an abortion.
Gasp! What could this mean for our national morality? America is conservative! If 90% of all women with a Down syndrome child have an abortion, almost all such abortions are being committed by conservative women and their conservative husbands and partners in crime!

A 2010 Gallup poll says:
The ideological orientation of Americans seen thus far in 2010 would represent a record-high [42$%] level of conservatism (since at least 1992) if it is maintained for the full year. This follows an increase in the percentage of conservatives in 2009 that was fueled by heightened conservatism among independents, a pattern that continues today.
Independents today are slightly more likely to say they are moderate than conservative, with fewer than 20% identifying as liberal. While this is similar to 2009, it represents an increase in conservatism among this group since 2008.
The fact that the nation has become more conservative while the conservative party has become much more ideological, aggressive, authoritarian and destructive is proof that the nation is, indeed, conservative. Plucky little pockets of liberal resistance might keep up the good fight but they are penniless and powerless and therefore can be utterly ignored.

Fortunately for liberals, with power comes responsibility and with powerlessness comes irresponsibility. Conservatives are the majority, which means it is conservative politicians who have enough corporate or private cash to have a successful "election," by which we mean "purchase." And therefore it is up to conservatives, the majority, the powerful, the wealthy, to stop the conservative aborting of Down syndrome children.

Fortunately for conservatives, they have already shown us the way for conservatives to attack their horrendous Nazi Socialist geno-and-gynocidal murder of their very own teeny-tiny conservative babies. Conservatives can take little fetus-sized video cameras into abortion mills and doctors' offices and film conservative women choosing to abort their babies while drinking martinis and wearing tiny pillbox hats in pastel colors, just like Jackie Kennedy. The faces of these conservative women can then be plastered all over the internet and a non-stop bloggy cry of Shame! Shame! Slut! can ring righteously across the land.

Then little women who pretend to be nuns can take up the battle cry in the name of God. No more conservative abortions! Defend the differently abled! Shame on the conservative women who selfishly have an abortion! If you can't afford the baby, hold a bake sale! If you already have too many children, God will provide! Sure, the nation, which is conservative you know, decided that abortion would be legal, making abortion as conservative as apple pie and hot dogs at a Forth of July picnic on a baseball field with a flag waving overhead and a military drone buzzing across the sky, but remember the conservative babies being aborted by their conservative mothers and must be stopped!

Oh, thank you, Ross Douthat, for manfully girding your mighty loins to fight the Godly battle against the conservative women who murder their unborn children with Down syndrome! Go forth and attack conservative women forthsooth, brave Knight!


Anonymous said...

Nice pastiche "both sides".

Postscript said...

That's either primo snark or a failed Turing Test...

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

Somebody get Douthat a helmet, he's getting stupider.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I think what BSDI is saying, and is right to do so, is that Down's Syndrome was created by the Teacher's Unions as a plot to ensure job security and to sap America's essence.

Anonymous said...

We may be rotting, as Both Sides Do It says, but if we are it's because the American people have come to worship greed, profit and unlimited consumption. This has not been caused by liberals, however. Money matters far less to liberals than to conservatives--thus their never-ending protection of tax breaks for the wealthiest, subsidies for hugely profitable corporations, and their desire to privatize everything for the sake of profit--the welfare of the people and the common good of the country be damned. And, if teachers' unions are so 'evil' why do those states have higher academic performance than states without them. We've never had teachers' unions in Texas so we should be at the very top, right? But Texas is at the bottom of academic performance, and is highest in drop out rate, teen pregnancy, etc. They don't fire bad teachers in Texas, they recruit them because they're cheaper!

Susan of Texas said...

I think this means that movies about teachers, especially if George Clooney is in one, are signs of the Apocalypse.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

well, that goes without saying.

Anonymous said...

The article says 90% of those with a positive result choose abortion. That is not 90% of all pregnancies, as the test is not mandatory, at least in Texas or Louisiana.

In fact with my last two children we opted not to perform the test as a false positive on our first child led us to the conclusion that we would carry to term anyway.

Thus to some extent, I do not know how much, you are getting selection effects, pro-choice parents are more likely to get the test than pro-life. Additionally conservative is not always pro-life or vice versa.