GeneAutry Labs shocked the world today when it announced that Rush Limbaugh is actually a genetically altered trained gorilla. Dr. Spencer Stevens, spokesman for the experimental lab, said that a combination of parrot, gorilla, and human genes were spliced to create the perfect Republican mouthpiece. Dr. Skipforth "Skippy" Prendergast created the creature, the most advanced version of a long line of genetically altered conservative speakers.
"Charles Coughlin was pure genius, for his times," said Dr. Prendergast after a recent lecture at Harvard University. "My predecessors managed to splice the Roman Catholic Church and the guy who stands on street corners threatening strangers, but I went to a new level. I combined the repetitious squawking of a parrot with the greed and lust of an especially thuggish gorilla. The human genetic material came from an unfortunate woman from the National Review who thought we could implant her with Jesus' child. She'll never know how twisted her admiration of Rush Limbaugh really is."
Rush Limbaugh cannot be reached for comment, as he is vacationing in the Congo with a suitcase of Viagra, condoms and a copy of "All Creatures Great and Small."
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
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