I'm sorry for the lack of posting but I have been extremely busy travelling in Europe on very important economical business things. And you will not believe what I saw and did!
Oh. My. God. Those little mittle-European and backwater (or should I say backwash!) British airports are the worst. I was coming home from my very exclusive and extremely important meeting with the great Heads Of Europe, where they all listened *so* carefully to me when I told them how they should rule the world.
One minute I have the finest meals delivered to me door by a suitably humble Southeast Asian flunky who kept his eyes to the floor where they belong, lest he be sent back to his cage on a fishing vessel. (That reminds me, I had a splendid salmon for lunch. I told the waiter to bring me his most expensive salt and he pointed to the salt cellar on the table. Just think: they put their finest salt on the table for your exclusive use!)
The next moment I'm suffering in silence, surrounded by little people wearing tea cozies and British flag ties, seated on a seat with NO PADDING and watching snot-nosed, red-faced little beefeaters run around kicking a paper ball.
Never mind why. It is not for minds like your to know why I was in a British city, about to wing my way home to my darling caro sposo. What happens in Bilderberg, stays in Bilderberg. Elite must shoulder the heavy responsibility of decision-making on their own. Heavy is the head that wears the brains that solves the problem that saves the nation.
Despite their foreignness, everyone in the airport was like me, only with less money and worse parents and they were kinda lower class as well, not that we look down on them because now we're all supposed to CARE about what happens to the poor just because the rich have gotten so much richer.
So what? They're rich because they're better. What are we supposed to do, Harrison Bergeron? Perhaps P.J O'Rourke joke is what you want instead? For as G. K. Chesterton quote, misinterpretation of Jesus' commands.
The English folk told me all about their thoughts on Trump, my party's candidate for the President of the United States, and in revenge I asked them what they thought about Brexit.
"I dunno about them furriners, gov," one little person said to me. "'Ere I was, eating me curry, and some damn immigrant opened a Samosas and Chip shop. I wasn't half pissed, I was. I told me trouble and strife, the next excessively tall American I see in a seedy back-water airport, I'm tellin' 'er ev'ryfink!"
In Luton, I saw evidence of foreigners everywhere and you know what that means! Where there are foreigners, there is crime and degeneracy. When foreigners moved in, the good, decent British people's way of life was stolen away. The upper class shops that subsisted on the crumbs of the two wealthy families in the district moved out in horror. The manufacturing plants closed at once, certain that those foreigners would ruin everything.
The British people stopped making British food, for there were no longer Brits there to eat it. Gone were the..... Deeply missed was the..... Well, there used to be British food and now there isn't and it's all those foreigners' fault.
I patted the little British person on the head and sympathized with him or her.
Of course they are raving racists and would prefer to never see a non-British face. And of course they should be able to be as racist and nativist as they want! If you refused to take into account racism, you make racists very suspicious and upset. They begin to believe their elite leaders don't have their best interest in mind, and who can blame them for that either?
For instance, I am elite and I used to say that Americans had the duty to become poorer so the Chinese could become richer. That wasn't very nice of me, was it? No wonder the British are upset with their leaders; they think the leaders don't care about their racism!
I explained the history of the US to the little people: how America for the first few centuries of its existence (1776-2076) had a severe labor shortage and new immigrants were easily absorbed, except for all those anti-immigration laws, customs, riots, and social upheaval.
We also lacked a modern welfare state, which is fortunate because we all know that immigrants live on the "dole" and never contribute to society. (The NHS is in a death spiral and can't last longer than the sixty or so years it's been around!)
The little people tried to tell me that services were being starved by the austerity programs of the government but I laughed and waved off their charts, figures, and news headlines. Little do they know their own system!
Some hypocrites might point out at this point that I am denouncing the American racism of Trump and his followers' anti-immigration hysteria and nodding my head thoughtfully and wisely about the British racism of their anti-immigrant hysteria, but they are obviously totally wrong because I said so.
I know absolutely nothing about Brexit but I do know this: if the government doesn't keep out those nasty, foreign-food eating, charity-grabbing, vile and violent foreigners, for whom I have so much sympathy, it will be perfectly understandable if they turn on their elite.
It is also perfectly understandable that our own peasants will turn on their elite and replace them with new ones*, just as I have always predicted!
*Yes, I am elite, but for the purposes of this post let's just pretend I'm one of you, ok? And you can take away the tumbrels now.
Yastreblyansky kindly praises my writing style; like Thackeray indeed. And Roy Edroso calls my writing prize-winning.