Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Die Hard

Brave, brave Jonah Goldberg, who refused to fight when his nation needed him to win the War Of All Wars against The Terror Of All Terrors, faces a blizzard with his usual equanimity.

DC snow finally starting to stick. Getting really pretty. Ugliness comes later.
2:15 PM Feb 5th from web

To prepare him for a tough day, Jonah stoked up on carbs.

Snowbound menu: Martinis. Then: Gnocchi with slow-cooked pork ragu, arugula salad (that's right: Arugula) and a nice red. Life is good.
2:47 PM Feb 5th from web

But before Jonah gets to pick the pork bits out of his teeth, disaster strikes.

[Ooops, it's the next day, so Jonah is stuck in the house without electricity overnight. Thanks for the correction, anonymous.]

Seriously: We're buried. Electricity is out. House getting cold. May evacuate.
5:07 AM Feb 6th from API

So within less than two and a half hours, Jonah is panicking and thinking evacuation. It's a good thing for him that he refuses to live in our area. He'd spend the entire hurricane season fleeing for his life every time it rained.

Sending wife, daughter and brother-in laws to hotel. staying behind with the animals. need to macguyver some coffee. ideas?
6:22 AM Feb 6th from API

After three or four hours twelve endless, tortuous hours of no electricity, our tough pioneers are ready to run away. But although Jonah lives in the Heartland like all conservatives, in his case the Heartland is on the upper West Side of New York City. It must be hard to survive in a high rise with no electricity and with a child. How cold was it, Jonah?

it's now 56 degrees inside the house and dropping.
6:23 AM Feb 6th from API

Dear God, the tragedy! It's time to pull out the emergency sweater ration! What fresh hell will Jonah endure next?

just when I was about to type "All work and no play makes Jonah a dull boy" ten million times, the power came on.
about 23 hours ago from API

No doubt K-Lo would say that it was the Hand Of God that preserved Jonah from Nature's savage devastation.

Sorry for the mistakes; I was sloppy.


Simba B said...

This is pretty awesome, right here. I've been tweaking the folks down in the D.C. and NoVa area about how this whole "snowpocalypse" thing is known as "Thursday" in Syracuse, but Jonah takes the cake.

As usual.

Anonymous said...

er .. AM, PM ...

I'm quite sure Jonah is a sniveling, mewling, quivering mound of fat at the slightest hint of danger, but even so, double check the timestamps.

Ken Houghton said...

I'm confused. DC got a couple of feet of snow; NYC got bupkis. Did the UWS finally get rid of Jonah?

When my house gets down to 56 degrees, people wear their sweaters or coats instead of going to a hotel. Especially when the outside temperature is in the 30s or lower.

Although: temperature down to 56 in an hour and fifteen minutes? Unlikely at best. More likely power had been out for several hours. Which means "Wear warm clothing" should have been the first thought on getting up and evacuation was certainly either premature or late.

Btw, Martinis and a nice red wine? (1) Ugh and (2) are we sure he's Jewish?

Anonymous said...

Jonah can survive cold weather better than most due to his built-in insulation.

Kathy said...

I like his classic question: "Ideas?"

urban meemaw said...

Do you think Pantload had visions of Mad Max at the Superdome dancing in his head as he contemplated his powerlesness in the face of the Great White Death and beheld swarms of dark ones storming his heartland hearth for warmth?