K-Lo Goes To Confession: K-Lo Go Boom!

Father: Kathryn Jean, what's the emergency? Is it another one of your little abortion protests? Do you need bail money?

K-Lo: No, no, Father. Mama said if I got arrested and shamed her before that Gay-American couple who live down the street just one more time she would refuse to pay for my wedding. She's been in a snit ever since their daughter got married and had a baby. She just doesn't think it's fair that---.

Father: Kathryn Jean, what is the problem?

K-Lo: Sorry, Father, but this is an emergency confession. If I don't confess right away I just know I'll get hit by a bus before I have the chance and then God will send me to Hell because He loves me so much and wants me to be good. Bless me Father for I have sinned. Oh, Father! (breaks down into sobs)

Father: Kathryn Jean, you're starting to alarm me.

K-Lo: Father, I'm having a "crises of faith" just like they talked about in my confirmation classes. (blows nose) Sorry, Father, but I never thought it would happen to me. Mary Catherine Lombardi got to third base with half the boys in the class and I just knew she would turn her back on Jesus, but me? Never!

Father: What happened?

K-Lo: It was the pope, Father. You know, Pope Benedict.

Father: (dryly) Yes, I remember his name, Kathryn Jean.

K-Lo: I read today that he said all countries should have universal health care. He chose Obamacare over the Free Market and Democracy, Father! How could that be? How could the pope choose Obama over us real Americans, Father? How? (sobs) Doesn't he love us anymore?

Father: Now, Kath---.

K-Lo: We're on the same side, Father! We're the good people! Obama is the bad people! He wants to destroy America with his elitist socialism! Mrs. Governor Sarah Palin said that he wanted to kill my grandmother! My grandmother loves the pope! Why does the scary Black man want to hurt my Nana? (starts to hyperventilate)

Father: Kathryn Jean, are you alright? Breathe! Do you have a paper bag?

Kathryn Jean shakes her head and breathes into her purse.

K-Lo: (muffled) I'll be okay Father if you just tell me that this is one of the those horrible "lamestream" media lies. It's all a lie, right?

Father: Kath--

K-lo: Oh, God, will this nightmare never end?

Father: Kathryn Jean, what did the pope say?

k-Lo: He said health care was a fundamental right and the government should provide it. It has to be a lie, Father. Where could the pope have gotten that idea? What's next, give the rich's money to the poor? Feed the poor?

Father: Now that you mention it, Kathryn Jean, yes. Remember that it's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter Heaven. Jesus wants us to help and take care of each other, and that includes health care.

k-Lo: I--I feel dizzy, Father. Obama--the pope--Obama--the pope---. (begins rocking)

Father: Poor thing. Well, it was only a matter of time. (briskly) They say God works in mysterious ways, Kathryn Jean. Perhaps a little rest in a Catholic institution will do you a world of good. The hurly-burly of politics is such a bad influence on a sensitive soul.

k-Lo: They need me, Father! The boys at work need a member of the gentler sex to support them and take care of them and remind them of their moral responsibilities and be a civilizing influence!

Father: Yes, yes, Kathryn Jean. But a little vacation would do you a world of good. Ah, I hear your mother's voice. Why don't you go with her like a good girl?

K-Lo: Yes, Father. I--I just need to sleep. That's it. Some rest. And then I'll wake up and this will all be a bad, bad dream and I'll laugh and Fluffy will jump up and beg me to take him for a walk, just like every other morning. Good bye, Father! I mean good night!

K-Lo Goes To Confession: The Flu Is At The Door

K-Lo: Bless me Father (cough) for I have (cough cough) sinned. It's been ten (cough) hours since my last (coughcoughcoughcough)----.

Father: Kathryn Jean, are you alright? Would you like a glass of water? Maybe you shouldn't have come to confession.

K-Lo: (Cough) I had to go to church to pray to get well anyway (cough), Father. (cough) I have the flu and my chest really hurts and I feel woozy and I keep thinking I'm seeing "Mittens" but it's just the doorman. (cough) Who really doesn't like it when you run your fingers through his hair. (cough)

Father: Kathryn Jean, you should go home right now and have your mother call the doctor. God will understand if you miss confession today.

K-Lo: I can't go to the doctor, Father. Didn't you hear?

Father: Hear what?

K-Lo: (hisses) The Obamaination.

Father: The---?

K-Lo: Obama's (cough) health care plan.

Father: But what does the health care plan have to do with going to the doctor, Kathryn Jean?

K-Lo: I can't go to the doctor because Obamacare kills people, Father. They make you wait for days at the doctor's office and then the computer tells you that it can't afford to pay for your medicine because it has to pay for illegal aliens' health care instead. (cough)

Father: Many illegal aliens are good Catholics and the future life blood of the Church, Kathryn Jean. It is both our duty and our privilege to follow Jesus' example and help the poor and suffering.

K-Lo: I thought blessed are the poor means that the poor are lucky to be poor?

Father: No, Kathryn Jean, we've had this discussion before. Poverty is bad because it makes people suffer.

K-Lo: But I thought that suffering was (cough) good because it makes you more like Jesus?

Father: Jesus died to end suffering, Kathryn Jean. He taught us to serve God by helping our fellow man, for we all all God's children. Each act of kindness is an act of worship.

K-Lo: That's what I said. People should suffer so they will be like Jesus and be good.

Father: Kathryn Jean, have you been talking to Mr. Douthat again? I'm sure he's a fine Christian man but his theology can be a little confused.

K-Lo: No, Father, (cough) I promised his wife I'd stop calling and I kept my word. I just print out his articles and post them in my scrapbook that I decorated myself. Would you like (cough) me to bring it next time? It's not as big as my (cough) "Mittens" scrapbook but I finally got to use my glow-in-the-dark (cough) Our Lady of Guadalupe stickers and they look so pretty.

Father: Kathryn Jean, I know a very nice young lady doctor who will be happy to take care of you, and I know for a fact that she's a Republican doctor, not a socialist doctor.

K-Lo: But what about abortion, Father? Obama is killing little innocent babies by (cough) forcing their mothers to have socialist abortions that we pay for.

Father: Kathryn Jean, while I have many problems with an institutional bureaucracy telling people what they can do with their bodies and making their health care decisions for them, the government is not trying to force people to have abortions.

K-Lo: It kills old people by dropping death panels on them.

Father: Kathryn Jean, does that even make sense?

K-Lo: It kills new drugs because liberals hate money and want all the drug companies to die so the (cough) government can make socialist drugs instead, that won't work because they're always on strike.

Father: I don't' think----.

K-Lo: Father, I think the statue of Mary over there winked at me.

Father: Kathryn Jean, go home at once. I'll call you a cab.

K-Lo: But---.

Father: (firmly) Now.

K-Lo: Okay, Father, but only because Mary told me to. She wants me to be able to go ice fishing with her next week. (Yelling hoarsely) I'll do it, Most Holy Mother! I'll see the doctor and he'll heal me through your Loving Grace! You betcha!

Don't Bother Me With Facts

Since health care's gone I want no one to talk to me.
It's just a game, I'm not to blame, it's plain to see.
So go away, leave me alone, don't bother me.

I can't believe that they would need cheaper health care.
It's just not right I'm going to fight I will not share.
I've got no time for you right now, don't bother me.

I know they say some folks can't pay insurance bills.
But they are few, who cares when you are paid to shill.
Work for The Man for his health plan, and go away.

I'll let you know whom you should pay. Until that day,
Don't come around, leave me alone, don't bother me.
I've got no time for facts right now, don't bother me.

I know I'll never be part-time. I'll never need a single dime.
Because I know someone will always be there for me.
You don't need help, please don't come near, just stay away.
I'll let you know when I'm in need. Until that day,
Don't come around, leave me alone, don't bother me.

Don't bother me.
Don't bother me.
Don't bother me.
Don't bother me.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Most unwisely, Megan McArdle has decided to justify her decision to marry to the world at large. McArdle has found a happy medium in wedding blogging. She has evidently decided to skip an examination of the wedding industry, which would take work and numbers and stuff, and merely satisfy herself by talking about talking about economics. And herself.

McArdle starts by stating she believes in marriage. She expects it to make her happier and more fulfilled, despite the tax hit she might suffer. She can't think of a reason to stay single except for the sake of "contrariness"--being different for its own sake. Not that she needs to marry, she hastens to add. She has nothing to prove to anybody, being above the moral and legal laws conservative followers are required to inflict on each other.

And yet, she will marry anyway. If she has so little drive to marry, why the drive to marry? What reason does she give?

It would be much harder to do many of the things we want and intend to do, for
and with each other, without that useless little piece of paper.

Like what? You can rent houses, hold jobs, and almost everything else if you're cohabiting. It's true that you would not have legal rights regarding your partner if some tragedy were to occur. If your boyfriend were hospitalized you wouldn't have any rights regarding his care. But McArdle calls the rights that piece of heterosexual paper endows "useless." Why won't she mention the obvious reason, the one given by so many homosexual couples who want to be able to care for sick partners? Why won't she discuss health care--god knows she's been yapping about it endlessly; surely it's on her mind?

Suderman just received an 11-month Koch fellowship at McArdle's former employer, Reason. Based on a quick look at other Reason intern jobs, it appears that interns are paid a stipend only--no benefits. No health insurance. If Suderman wants to be covered, in case he is shot while bar-hopping or hit while riding a bike, he has to marry someone with heath insurance or buy ruinously expensive policies on his own.

Decisions to marry are based on love, but decisions on when to marry are often based on more practical reasons. If McArdle doesn't care one way or the other, something tipped the scales and there's a very good chance that health insurance was a factor, as it is for every uninsured person in the US.

Shill vs. Shill

It's Shill for the Rich versus Shill for the Rich at The Atlantic today. Megan McArdle attacks liberals for "breathlessly celebrating Wal-Mart's "capitulation" on national health" and suspiciously intelligent and forceful commenters attack her in return. Here's one:

This reads like a comment on a blog entry. The context has to be sought out--you don't really include it. Why not begin your article with the substance of the story you're referencing? If you really think that "liberal" commentators have missed the point, you've hardly done your theory justice. You begin by summarizing your 3 examples' points, then you briefly mention several opposing points of view. Cryptically, you label the final one "on the other side..." as if it were in opposition to your previous point, which it is not.
I find this all somewhat interesting, but if you can't bother to write a complete story, I can't be bothered to follow your byline in the future. Reporting and analysis is difficult. That must be why so few of you are good at it.

McArdle's sorrowful announcement that business might have bad motives at times is a welcome break from her usual routine, but is old news to the rest of us. When you check her links, the "breathlessly celebrating liberals" turn out to be a little less than breathless. Or celebrating.

Strange as it sounds, a key pro-reform player in the healthcare battle is...Wal-Mart. America's largest employer -- known heretofore as destroyer of small business, crusher of unions, denier of decent benefits and force for global wage reduction -- signed on yesterday to the concept of an employer mandate for healthcare.

Yesterday, Wal-Mart, along with SEIU and the Center for American Progress released a letter articulating shared principles for health reform. And it went a ways toward ending my skepticism. I figured whatever SEIU and Wal-Mart produced would be a bland set of principles offered at a safe and uncontroversial moment. This is the opposite.

The throws its weight behind two primary policies. The first is the so-called "employer mandate." This is, essentially, a tax on employers that don't provide health care. It both helps pay for health care and helps get more people covered. It's a top priority for Organized Labor. The business community, however, loathes it and has spent the past year organizing aggressively against it.

Yes, Wal-Mart--the company famous for finding new and creative ways to squeeze
employee health benefits--has today endorsed, in principle, an employer mandate.
It did so in a letter issued jointly with the Center for American Progress and Service Employees International Union (SEIU):[snipped quote]
It's a broad statement and, as always, the meaning of the commitment depends a great deal upon the details. But this is not a small thing. By endorsing the idea of a
employer mandate, Wal-Mart has made the idea more difficult to demonize. It has
also--and I can't stress this enough--given some political cover to members of
Congress who might be sympathetic to the idea of employer mandate but hesitate
to take a vote that might be perceived as anti-business.

My goodness, that sure is a lot of breathless celebrating. You can just hear the jubilant triumphalism.

I sometimes think McArdle writes her blog not just for money and social advancement but also to continue her favorite practice of catty insults towards her enemies that so enlivened her high school days. Let's take a peek into Mr. Peabody's Wayback Machine and visit a few of her attacks on liberals.

I see a lot of liberal blogs crowing that Obama's really taking it to the hedge funds who are holding out on the Chrysler bankruptcy. Hedge fund managers, you see, have a civic duty to lose large amounts of other peoples' money in order to ensure that the UAW makes as few sacrifices as possible in a bankruptcy.

I don't understand why these articles keep getting written. Moreover, I don't understand why they can keep getting written. Did progressives really think they'd woken up in Sweden on November 5th?

Liberals got made [sic] when this question was asked about them four years ago. But
I'll admit it--in my opinion, the conservatarian coalition is basically out of ammo.

Several liberal blogs are chortling over this statement I made early in the year:
"Will the economy decline in 2008? Paul Krugman is voting for doom. It's worth keeping in mind, however, that Paul Krugman has predicted eight of the last none recessions under the Bush administration."
I think it's obvious we're in a slowdown, and a recession seems likely-ish, but Britain's skirted recession for over a decade now, so I can't be too fatalistic. This is obviously hilarious--if you have an incredibly shaky understanding of statistics, and also, no knowledge of decision science.

I read liberal blogs defending Spitzer and spinning conspiracy theories about his downfall, and all I can think is "Really? You really want to hitch your wagon to this fallen star?" Why on earth?

What is with the liberal economists suddenly discovering, in wide-eyed shock, that economists who are attached to political campaigns spin things to favor their candidates?...Welcome to politics. I am skeptical that Brad De Long and Paul Krugman have never noticed the phenomenon before.

How many people who seem to pushing policy are merely stuck in adolescence, endlessly replaying a nightmare scenario of sucking up to petty powers and pushing down the "interlopers"?