K-Lo Goes To Confession

IX Marital Bliss

K-Lo: Bless me Father for I have sinned. It's been uh, two days since my last confession, I think. I'm not sure. Maybe it's only been twenty hours. Time passes so fast; one minute it's 2008 and you're 32, and the next minute it's 2009 and you're going to be 33 and you still don't have a baby and---

Father: Kathryn Jean--

K-Lo:--all your friends already have babies and how are you going to fulfill the command to go forth and multiply when you don't have a husband? Huh? Huh?

Father: Kathryn Jean, slow down.

K-Lo: Father, if I were going any slower I'd be going backwards. Who's going to want a middle-aged girl when they can have a young one who could have lots of babies? The only reason men will marry a girl is to obey God and procreate for his Greater Glory. What if it's already too late?

Father: Kathryn Jean----. Dear young lady, perhaps God has other plans for you. Have you reconsidered becoming a nun lately?

K-Lo: Sister Paul said I had to stop pretending to be a nun because it was creeping her out.

Father: A nun for real, Kathryn Jean. Your pure love for Jesus could lead you to a new direction better suited to your nature. You could become a bride of Christ instead of a bride of "Mittens."

K-Lo: Thank you Father, but I already have my life's work. I know God wants me to remind everyone in the cold, hard, cruel world to keep their eyes on Jesus and their legs crossed. Oh em gee! That's it!

Father: Yes, Kathryn Jean?

K-Lo: Everyone's been listening to me and the rest of the Godly preach abstinence, and it's been working too well! They think they shouldn't marry and reproduce when they really should be marrying and then submitting to marital bliss every time the man's man parts twitch! Where's that cheerleader uniform catalogue that I took from Derb's desk? I'll get my man yet!

Father: You know, it might just work.