Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Saturday, May 28, 2016

RSVP

Summer has arrived and many of you are planning to invite me to your barbeque parties.  Now, I am not one to tell others what to eat or serve. When I was a vegetarian and I was invited to dinner parties, I would lean in confidingly to my hostess and tell her I was willing to choke down anything she served, as long as it wasn't meat, poultry or fish.

"Guests should realize that the world wasn't put here to please them, and instead of placing orders to the hostess like she's a clown's mouth, you should bring your own food," I said, showing her the Asian noodle salad tucked in my minaudiere.

That said, I have strong views about the food you are about to serve vegetarians like the old me and as I am being paid a lot of money to explain economics to the upper classes, it is my duty to tell you what you are doing wrong.

In the past I was shocked to see that I was an afterthought in your outdoor grilling parties. There were hamburgers, hot dogs, steaks, sausages, and even shrimp en brochette, but for the vegan/vegetarian? A box of frozen, depressed veggie burgers who could barely lift their corners to greet their purchaser. Three bean salad. Wet tofu, that you had not started draining the day before. You paid no thought at all to tantalizing my taste buds. You cared nothing for my happiness. And yet you congratulated yourself on your thoughtfulness for thinking of me at all!

The food you served me was disgusting. I mean, the burgers were crumbly and worse than nothing but at least they were edible, if you slapped and doused them and covered them with stuff.  As for sausages, well! All I can say is that those gray, paste-like things flopped limply on the plate, reminding me that my darling husband needed to call an Uber to take us home immediately.

So if you want to cater to someone as refined as myself, use my own recipes. They are the only ones that I consider suitable.

8 comments:

John Taylor said...

My wife and I make an excellent mushroom burger, much better than the store bought.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

How this person gets paid to write anything is astounding.

She's so bad, she *almost* justifies Jenghazi Rubin collecting paychecks at the WaPo.
~

Clever Pseudonym said...

I have so much snark for that post, but the Queen of Snark has it covered. Does she have any idea how insufferable and snobbish she comes off? How do I get paid to write horribly and then cut and paste crappy recipes from the Foof Network website?

(PS, Megan - because your ego is too big to not watch this site - most the cheeses you list in your recipes are not vegetarian. Proper rennet is rendered from slaughtered calves).

Susan of Texas said...

John Taylor, I will have to do that some time soon. It sounds very interesting.

ifthethunderdontgetya, She's absolutely incredible. She's a Jane Austen character come to life. Whenever I read one of these types of McArdle posts, I hear Juliet Stevenson's voice, from when she played Mrs. Eliot in "Emma."

Smut Clyde said...

As for sausages, well! All I can say is that those gray, paste-like things flopped limply on the plate, reminding me that my darling husband

GO TO THE NAUGHTY CORNER SUSAN.

fish said...

If I read another "tofu is good, no really!" comment I am going to throw something. Something like 2billion people eat it every day. Acting like she knows something special about how to prepare tofu is just provincial bullshit.

Robert M. said...

I got out of the boat. I don't really know why I got out of the boat; I should know better at this point in my adulthood. But I suppose some grain or kernel of my soul must still want to believe that we are all collectively being unfair to McMegan.

We are not.

Susan of Texas said...

I know, I do the same thing all the time. I feel bad about pointing out all the lies and deception. It's not pleasant to be so negative. But McArdle really is that bad, and her influence is considerable with people who want a fake veneer of plausible words and numbers to cover their greed and destruction.