IV Shoot the Moon
K-Lo: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been twelve hours and fifty minutes since my last--
K-Lo: Excuse me, Father?
Father: It's nothing, Kathryn Jean. I won a little wager, just a joke. This'll put Father Gregory's nose out of joint. He said Divine Intervention told him twenty hours and not a minute less.
K-Lo: My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choo--
Father: We can get a flat screen tv for the rectory, now. If I hear one more time about Father Gregory's High Definition I'll be tempted past all redemption.
K-Lo: Father, should I come back later?
Father: No, no, Kathryn Jean. On with the sinning!
K-Lo: Father, I had impure thoughts about William Shatner.
K-Lo: Father, are you okay?
Father: Yes, of course, go on, dear.
K-Lo: It started when I read Captain Kirk would be a conservative. Then I started to think about the masquerade party at the Buckley's, where Jonah dressed up in a Starship Captain uniform and offered to show me his phaser, if I didn't tell his mom. The next day at the office he wouldn't say a word to me when I tried to share with him our wedding invitations, but I still lust after the sight of a man in a velour uniform.
Father: Kathryn Jean, God gave us these impulses for a reason, to help a girl accept her duty to marry and raise a family in His honor. Maybe you'd better hurry.
K-Lo: I try Father, I do. But it's hard out there for a girl with intellect and a glandular problem. I want to serve the Lord, but He's making it pretty darn difficult. Oh, sorry, Father.
Father: Remember the story of Mary and Martha. Martha toiled, but Mary listened to God's word and won His favor. Listen to Him and He'll let you know what to do.
K-Lo: I think I know what to do. Since the first time I saw Mitt Romney I knew my fate was to be his second wife. As Abraham did before him, Mitt also can have a wife or two and a couple of dozen concubines. Thanks, Father. I have a lot to do before joining my future husband.
Father: No, dear, times have changed. So have laws. I have a nephew, he's not young anymore but he has a good job with benefits. Let me introduce you.
K-Lo: You're a pip, Father, but God has shown me the way. Utah or Bust!
Father: In the Name of Jesus Christ, go in peace. Oy.