K-Lo Goes To Confession

VIII Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

K-Lo: Bless me father, for I have sinned. It's been three hours since my last confession, and I just want to say Father that it's been a great honor to tell you my sins, and my only regret for the future is that I won't have any more sins to tell you so we won't get to have these little chats anymore.

Father: What? Kathryn Jean, for the love of Heaven, what's wrong? What's happened?

K-Lo: It's okay, Father, don't be sad. We'll be in the arms of Baby Jesus.

Father: Is there a bomb?!? Where is it?? Kathryn Jean, what have you done?

K-Lo: No, Father, it's the Rapture. The R-A-P-T-U-R-E. The Second Coming.

Father: Oh, thank God. Now, what is this about the Rapture?

K-Lo: It's coming, Father, on November fifth. Jesus will descend and lift us all to heaven and the unworthy will remain, and boy will they all be sorry then.

Father: Kathryn Jean, you promised me you would stop reading those Left Behind books. Remember, the nightmares? The crying? The ice cream binges? The theology is dreadfully unsound as well. Those Protestants think they can pull any nonsense out of their--uh, please continue.

K-Lo: Father, when Barack "Hussein" Obama wins the election, the--the--colored men will riot in the streets and hippies will fornicate during daylight and Jesus will finally return to carry me--I mean us--in his soft yet manly arms to Heaven, to sit by his side and hold his hand for all eternity. (Sigh.) Amen.

Father: Kathryn Jean, perhaps you are taking an unduly pessimistic view of the future. There is no evidence that Mr. Obama will bring on the Second Coming. Try to have faith.

K-Lo: Always, Father, always. And there's so much to be hopeful for. Gov. Palin finally is telling the world that Obama is a commie, Andy McCarthy talks about Ayers--gosh--all the time, Mark Steyn is reminding everyone that Obama is a crook, and Mark Krick--Krakrak--Mark K. said Palestinians love Obama. If that, and the hopes and prayers of our Conservative Nation Under God, don't work, nothing will! (Sings.) The sun'll come up tomorrow/bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun....

Father: Kathryn Jean? Calm down, please. Kathryn Jean, can you hear me at all?

K-Lo: ...I pick up my chin, and grin, and say:/Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow/ you're only a day awaaaaaaaay!

Father: Kathryn Jean, is your mother waiting outside?

K-Lo: Yes, Father.

Father: Good girl. I'm glad to see you're obeying the judge. Send her in, will you dear? We need to have a few words.