X: Painful Truths
K-Lo: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been one week since--ow, Mama, cut that out, you're pinching my arm--my last confession. Does it still count if it's over the phone, Father?
Father: Yes, Kathryn Jean. Er--is something the matter?
K-Lo: Alright Mama! Just give me a chance! This week I disobeyed my parents and sent some work into the Corner. Oh my God I am heartily sorry for what I have done--that is everything, Mama! What? Oh, yeah, I also broke my promise to my mother that I would give up writing about "Mittens" Romney.
Father: (sadly) Oh, Kathryn Jean. I had such hopes.
K-Lo: It was for the good of the country, Father! "Bobby" Jindal wasn't man enough to stir the men and women of the conservative party. He's not nearly as dreamy as "Mittens" and doesn't wear the Underwear of the Lord, which loses him a lot of points, in my opinion.
Father: He's still married, young lady.
K-Lo: Father, it's not for me! It's for the country! I do not need to beg God's forgiveness, Mama, I am not telling a lie!
Father: Kathryn Jean--
K-Lo: He said America has to be strong, prosperous and free! Who else would say that but "Mittens"? And it needs to be said, with socialism creeping around the corner waiting to strangle us in its suffocating mother-like Smother Love! No, Mama, I don't mean you, you're love is just like Mary's love of Jesus. I know you'd be happy for me to die horribly too.
Father: Kathryn--
K-Lo: Obama's poisoning young minds with platitudes like we can do better and reality is good! Reality isn't good, it's scary and strange and it wants to get in my pants!
Father: Kath--
K-Lo: He has a plan! It's a good plan that will take back our country and solve all its problems! He'll tell us that plan some day, if we only believe in him!
Father: God or Romney?
K-Lo: Either!
Father: Kathryn Jean, you're absolved. Say ten Hail Marys and an Act of Contrition, and give the phone to your mother. I have a pharmacist friend I know she'll want to meet.
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3 comments:
HAHAA!
I love these things.
My favorite line from that piece: "A young, rising-star Republican gives a response to Obama’s address, and we focus on the way his suit billows off his shoulders."
No, "we" did not fucking do that. We focused on how he came off as a complete tool, his wild tall tale about Harry Lee, and the clear lack of new ideas coming from the GOP.
I read and saw a fair bit of commentary on Jindal's response, and I never saw one mention of his suit, other than its apparent lack of an occupant.
Thanks, Julia Grey!
CaptBackslap, there are almost too many twisted passages to absorb. I wonder if she knows she's shoveling out propaganda or is this just the way she thinks?
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