Atlas Shrugged: The Mocking

Thursday, February 26, 2009

We Have A Winner!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Right has somehow, without their knowledge or participation, been stuck with the reputation for being unable to govern. Nobody knows how this occurred. Yesterday the country was booming, with two wars, a surging stock market, and a fat-and-happy populace, driving new cars into their new homes.

But something happened. Nobody knows what, they just know that the world isn't quite as sunny as it used to be. People suddenly have less money and more fear, and Americans hate having less money. They really, really hate having less money. It makes them extraordinarily angry. They elect Republicans over and over to make sure they have more money, not less, yet here they are after many years of unfettered Republicanism, with less money. Someone must be to blame for this extraordinary and totally unforeseen situation.

And so, after some futile attempts to blame liberals and even some Republicans, the true culprit has been found. The person who single-handed brought down the American government has been revealed, in all his hideous glory. The culprit is none other than.........Rush Limbaugh!

Yes, America, Rush Limbaugh is totally to blame for our current situation. When Obama tried to explain his plan for staunching the economic bleeding, Limbaugh said that he hoped Obama failed. Failing liberals normally a good thing for conservatives, who need to be told that they are right and everyone else is wrong, since they can't figure such things out for themselves. But if Obama fails conservatives lose money, and that is a very, very bad thing.

So it's Limbaugh's fault that people are getting poorer. If Bush is blamed all conservatives will look bad. If evangelicals are blamed there will be nobody to pay for or do the menial work for Republicans to get elected. If the brain trust at Cato or the Heritage Foundation or National Review is blamed, there will be nobody to do the thinking for the party. That leaves the media, who naturally can't blame themselves. But there is Limbaugh, sticking his enormous neck out criticizing everyone but his listeners. He's very very rich, which makes him a target now that the base has realized that the trickle-down theory is actually the trickle-up theory. He's getting older and sicker. He's perfect.

This is going to be fun.

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